To create programming that is responsive to a young person’s high school experience, Ben Clost, program manager at Pathways Spryfield, works closely with the local high school, often communicating with guidance counsellors to discuss budding concerns affecting students’ wellbeing.

Last fall, after hearing reports that consent and conflict resolution were increasingly important topics to address with the male student body, Ben began designing mentoring programming focused on confronting harmful societal expectations about masculinity. “I can see the young men walking around school wearing this mask of a man that they’re being sold through today’s media. There’s a perception that if you’re able to be physically dominating then you have value,” Ben explains. “Even the toughest of them want to be able to have feelings, but they feel stuck in a traditional man box, and it hurts them.”

That’s how the Mancave group came about—to create an open space for dialogue that allows male students to embrace a broader range of experiences and emotions.

The Mancave

Ben and two male Student Parent Support Workers lead the sessions weekly during lunchtime at the school to minimize the effort required for students to participate. Each Mancave meeting starts with snacks and transitions into a freeform discussion that engages the group in questioning societal messages about masculinity, relationships, and personal conduct.

In the first session, the group discussed the difference between society’s expectations of a “real man” compared to a “good man”. By putting these ideas up on the board side by side, it allowed students to critically examine and dismantle the notion of an ideal man.

These conversations also began to open the floor for developing cultural understanding. When the group debated what men and women want in relationships and who should pay on the first date, the cultural implications for gender norms became apparent, with half of the group having recently immigrated to Canada. “It’s been really healthy for everybody in the room to see these differences and learn that it’s just different cultural expectations, rather than label them as good or bad necessarily,” Ben shares. Given the growth in Spryfield’s newcomer population, these discussions became an important opportunity to create bridges in the room around culture.

To address consent, the group navigated potential interactions that could come up on a second date. As they talked through a scenario of being rejected, the team challenged the students to reflect on negative emotions they could experience and whether they are perpetuated by social pressures. Ben emphasizes the importance of unpacking misogynistic perspectives from a place of curiosity. “Calling them out makes them feel like they’re not capable of changing that idea. They need to feel like they can express these thoughts without feeling judged. By asking questions, we can illuminate where these issues come from, so we can chip away at these beliefs together.”

Ultimately, the core goal of the Mancave group is to promote critical thinking and self-identity. In a recent exercise encouraging students to reflect on their individual needs, Ben asked the group about what brings them joy. “In high school, you’re rewarded for being homogenous and being different loses you friends. But when you look inward, you build this muscle to go, ‘What do I actually want?’. In whatever future scenario there might be, you know you can pause and ask yourself, ‘Is this who I want to be? Is this the man I want to become?’”

Students have shown a keen interest, suggesting more frequent meetings and even participating in an overnight camping trip with the Mancave group during the summer school break. The sessions have also led to broader engagement with the Pathways Program, as other students have been inspired to join the program after seeing the mentoring group in action.

Ben knows that equipping youth with the tools to think critically about their beliefs and actions has a powerful impact on their mental health, with the potential to create real positive change within their community. “Anytime a student offers an honest answer to one of my questions, I can see him thinking about it himself and how he wants to share what he’s feeling. It reaffirms that they’re taking small steps to becoming well-rounded men,” Ben reflects. “If they only get one thing from this group, I want them to leave with the ability to be able to question, in a healthy way, the things that are being told to them about what a man is and is not, how you’re meant to treat women, and how you’re meant to treat each other.”